Cheers to 20; Lessons from my experiences.

Hey loves!

Ok to be completely honest with you guys, a lot has happened this past month. We are in July (though it's fast ending) and I am still so sad that June ran past me so quickly that I didn't get to enjoy it. For those who don't know, June is my birth month, and I had this topic planned out since day one of June but couldn't even get to writing it or even executing it at the time because of my anxiety and exams (student problem lol). 

Anyway, here is a content that's long overdue! I am now 20. Meaning a full-fledged adult. But here's the thing, when I was younger, I thought it would be a mad fun experience (not saying it's not. It's definitely been a rollercoaster) from the day I turned 18 until now. I was like damn I will be out of school by 20, nysc 21, job 22, riding my car, shopping like crazy, having my houses and businesses (emphasis on the 's' because they will get done eventually God willing) etc. I was thinking all this without ever thinking of the opposite of all of them all. Granted children don't really think about that and want to remain optimistic even in the face of hard reality. Nevertheless, I was never prepared! I have not graduated uni thank you covid! I don't have the house and car yet, I don't even know what's the next level for me! But amidst these things, I have and still am learning from them and I would like to share them. 

What I have learnt in the few years God has allowed me on Earth has been crazily nice and though I don't have the expectations I dreamt of as a kid, the bittersweet experiences and lessons I have learnt are definitely worthwhile. So without further ado, let's get into it.

1. Responsibility, accountability and discipline are very important! I mean not be taken lightly.

I was having a conversation with my brother about how I was feeling uninspired, lazy and, for lack of a better word, depressed because the work I was putting into projects at the time was not yielding the results I wanted. The math was simply not adding up! My lovely brother, shout out to you, ebuka, told me something that was shockingly accurate ('shockingly' because the zeal lost returned twofold). 

'Don't let laziness ruin the chances you have now because, time will come when you won't be able to do it, and you will live with nothing but regrets. You want to live a better life but you're putting in the efforts of someone who comfortable living a wrecked life.' 

Smart boy, right? Exactly! It was at that moment that my orientation changed. I soon from the talk learnt that not being serious about things like responsibility, discipline and accountability because I wasn't feeling it or because it wasn't working out, will not get me results I want so why not do what what I can to put my mind at rest. I have learnt that it is important to put in the required effort so you don't live a wrecked life.

Living with regrets is one of the worse things anyone could ever experience (take it from someone who has been there) and it's a Hassle I don't want to ever deal with again. Responsibility, accountability and discipline are things adults do because it is needed not because they like it or want to do it. When we decide, we have to stick with it. When we set goals, it's important that we be responsible, accountable and disciplined towards them. It's like a child that you invest in because you don't want it to be useless (either to you or to themselves).

2. Things are hard!

Making money is hard! Very hard! Getting that needed awareness is hard! Finding love is hard! Prioritising your health is hard! Looking out for yourself is hard. Choosing to live your best life is hard. Not being easily influenced is hard. Chasing your dream is hard. Everything is hard!! Just like the damned saying 'nothing good comes easy'. However, I have learnt to come to terms with them. To tell you truthfully, these hardships are needed. Life is meaningless and impossible without hardships, because how do you get to the next phase/level? What then is the spice of life?

Why many people are interested in successful people's stories is because of the hardship they've faced and how they navigated it. Coming to terms with it, putting in the effort you can as much as we can and hoping for the best is honestly our best shot since working ourselves out every day with added anxiety and frustrations and strained relationships isn't working. The thoughts of what the future holds, the stress that comes with it (because you have nothing under control) is not worth it. So, put in the effort you can. Just don't die doing it (cos in the end all these won't matter in heaven lol).

3. Choice

My late teens until 20 were filled with learning. Learning patience, learning how to stand up for myself and assertiveness, learning self worth and more. However, one thing I really never thought I would learn is choice (lol, I know that sounds weird but hear me out). Choice is a powerful thing. Choosing to live your best life against all odds requires you to take a couple of classes (and it never stops). These classes are divided into 2: unpacking & unlearning and learning. 

Choosing who you date, who you marry, your life goals, what values are important to you, how to make things happen, these incorporated in choices, are things I have learnt and I'm still learning. Not saying that I didn't know choice existed, just saying that in my very personal case, it was new to me and quite the challenge. Over time, I have had to learn what my values are and how they impact my choices, which is very important for everyone to know. Learning how you deal with issues, how you treat people, what values you let define you is one way, or another related to your choice.  

I am not done learning. I am still very much a work in progress as I have said it's a continuous process. There are still lots of mistakes I have made, make and will still make. That why it's life. You live, you learn! The note to take away though is to understand how important these are to attaining a better life.

Anyway here's a cute picture of a dog who I believe is stressed but trying to maintain happiness!! Lol and I think you should too.

Dear, it doesn't get easier, not even by a long shot! The 30s are saying it gets harder than now. The anxiety and stress is real! There is something I love to say to myself anytime I am feeling down that has become a stanza in my life 

'in due time. If it is supposed to happen, it will'. 

I love it so much because it teaches grace and makes me human. It literally tells me that I don't have control and that's okay. It doesn't criticise me for not getting to a level even when i've tried, it doesn't hold back information on life from you in order to win (Because it doesn't even know what's going to happen believe me I have asked). It is there to reassure you and keep you sane. 

It is important to understand that we are going to fail a lot and win some. This is not pessimism, it's reality. Mistakes or not, we shouldn't let them define us. Circumstances happen and that's it. You have this experience. You live you learn. I want you to adapt to this saying and give yourself grace. You can't control everything, you can't win every battle and that definitely okay. Stop putting pressure on yourself.

Much love and God bless!✌🏾

Have questions or suggestions? Leave them in the comments.